Reaksi mana yang paling kita suka kalau kita kena tangkap bila buat salah :
A : *pandangan penuh keji benci mual. Mata yang memberitahu : Kau-ni-tak-reti-reti-nak-serik-ke. Dan mulut yang macam naga keluar api menyembur-nyembur untuk bakar hati biar rentung, bukan suluh jalan gelap bagi terang.
B : Bro, bapak taiko kau. Berani gila buat benda ni sampai kena tangkap. Tak tunjuk muka bersalah pulak tu. Kau memang paling best ah. Legend. Aku nak ikut kau jugak satu hari nanti.
C : Dia datang dengan senyuman. Senyuman yg sebenarnya menghadirkan ketenangan jauh di sudut hati. Figura yang memancarkan aura yang entah kenapa aku tertarik dengan dia. Dan malu untuk aku mengaku yang aku sebenarnya cemburu dengan dia. Yang paling takleh pakai akal sekali, aku sebenarnya nak jadi seperti dia. Dia datang mendekat dan meraut bahuku seraya berkata : Dah makan?
D : Takpe weh. Kau tak salah sebenarnya. Benda kecik je, budak tu je kecoh yang lebih. Aku tengok orang lain buat ok je, apehal nak hukum kau. Kau jangan kisah sangat diorang. Janji kau jadi diri kau. Aku support kau weh sampai mati. Kau kawan aku kan.
E : “Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dialah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani” ( Az-Zumar: 53)
Hakikatnya kadang kadang kita tahu tapi kita tetap abaikan. Entah apa sebenarnya yang kita kejar. Kalau duit melimpah ruah pun, belum tentu selamat mengucap waktu nazak. Dan apa sebenarnya yang mempengaruhi kita dalam hidup ni bila tiba saat membuat keputusan? Apa yang sebenarnya kita consider ( pro and cons ) bila kita buat pilihan.
Lol. Memang tak ade kaitan dengan benda kat atas. Wait. Aku rasa hidup kita ni berkait. Apa kita buat hari ni kesan dia esok hari. Apa kita buat semuanya ada kesan effect dan risiko yang kita sendiri akan tanggung akibatnya atau menikmati hasilnya. Inilah antara satu law dalam dunia ni yang dapat saya figure setakat ni. Hidup kita memang berkait sebab bukan kita seorang je yang hidup. ( I mean hidup yang bernafas. Yerlah kalau nak bahas death before dead lagi panjang kot. )
Berbalik pada soalan apa yang sebenarnya mempengaruhi kita, jawapan perkara ini memang terletak pada diri masing masing.
Is it fame that we seek for? Or is it because of the love that we want to protect? Is it the expectation that stopping us choosing what we want? Atau the fear that always haunting the heart? Is it the conplimentary and admiration that we are longing for? Atau the prinsip that we have been struggling to defend? Is it the promise that we made that keep us holding to that path or is it the joy and pleasure that is important? Or is it because we have found the centre of our own soul, we know what exactly we want in this world.
Honestly, if you ask me the answer, I too dont have the right answer. I have been living in this world recklessly, I betrayed my own soul, I paid too much attention to what others think and speak of me, I opened the door which I shant, I trap in my own regret-maze, find no way out, shriveled with the fear of tomorrow.
I revenge when I am capable of forgiving. I let the hatred consume me, and let the anger in charge of answering. I starve for the fame and reputation. I crave for the money and attention. Sometimes I think I become nothing, insignificance and wanted by no one.
There comes a day when I believe one day I will vanish in the light, fall into the darkest path. I am broken, bruised, and weak. I did not have the strength to fight and I lost in many battle. I experienced a lot, some of them left scars that until now never heal.
But I do find the light when it seem dark. I seek for the beauty even when it's not pretty. I smiled when their smiles flickered across their faces. I listen to the sound of life, the grief, the despair, the pain, which I know when the time comes, they too shall disappear, just like all the things, they come and go. I put my heart humble and try to dance in the heavy rain, even I can feel the ache every inch I step, I force myself to walk and leave behind the past. I let myself injured and shattered instead of trying to shield from the bitter truth. I face the burning hatred inside me and let it burnt my agony.
And I know better to listen to the heart, for it keeps the treasure i learned from loss and betrayal. I think myself as the luckiest person and try to value every single moment that passing through. I am blessed and showered with love. I try to follow the whisper that calling me for good. I keep my head high and my eyes open wide, so that I didnt miss a thing, so that I can see the world in a better view. And yes, I live to be a better person, who understand what it feels when the day hits hard, know what to choose and dare to take the risk.
After all, remember one thing : In the end, that is all that matters.
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