Skip to main content

Ironi Kehidupanku




Telah aku bangkit subuh pagi ini
Seolah-olah subuh ini subuh terakhirku
Dan tidaklah aku kembali lelap
Melainkan semua urusan dunia telahku selesaikan

Telah aku hidup siang hari ini
Seakan-akan aku akan mati esok
Dan tiadalah aku mengambil dari dunia
Melainkan sekadar secukupnya

Telah aku lalui asar aku hari ini
Seolah-olah aku tidak akan sempat untuk asar esok
Dan tidaklah aku berbuat sesuatu
Melainkan semuanya kebaikan

Telah aku jalani malamku hari ini
Seakan-akan malam ini malam terakhirku
Dan tiadalah aku dapati dalam jiwaku
Melainkan semuanya penyesalan

Sampai saat nanti umurku akan habis
Ajal akan datang
Semua akan ditinggalkan

Saat itu aku berharap
Tuhan telah redha dengan diriku
Telah mengampuni semua dosaku
dan aku mendapat pengakhiran yang baik

Ironinya aku sering berfikir
Hidupku masih panjang

Sedang senja kehidupanku tidak tahu bila
Aku selalu hidup
Seakan-akan aku pasti
Untuk aku masih ada lagi esok hari.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Biar Aku Sahaja

“Boleh tolong aku siket tak?” “Apa dia?” Meski sejak tadi berdiam diri, mulut terkunci sepi, matanya dari tadi menatap susuk tubuh yang duduk di hadapannya. “Berhenti pandang aku macam tu. Berhenti tengok aku macam aku cedera parah. Berhenti tengok aku macam aku orang yang kau kena lindung. Aku ok. Jangan risau.” Dia faham pandangan Ijad. Lagi lagi lepas Ijad nampak dia nangis habis tadi dalam bilik. Dan Ijad cuma tercegat berdiri kat situ dengan pandangan yang sama tanpa sepatah kata. Dia tahu Ijad tak perlu tanya apa-apa, Ijad tahu semua. “Tolonglah berhenti. Kau cuma buat hati aku lagi luluh.” Ijad dengan perlahan membawa pandangan ke luar tingkap. Angin berderu masuk membawa angin  sejuk yang sekali lagi menambah pedih di hulu hatinya. Terasa ingin menangis lagi sekali. “Kau tahu Nas apa buat aku rasa tak guna sekarang?”  Ijad bersuara rendah seolah-olah bercakap dengan diri sendiri. Dia mendiamkan diri. Perlahan tangannya memgang dadanya. Sak...

2020- The Pandemic Year

As we are approaching the end of the year 2020, I find my heart starts to fill with rage and fire again. I'm hurt and angry (probably at God again). I know we all have a hard time this year but we are not exactly in the same boat. As for me, I saw 2020 as a hope, that after everything I went through in 2019, 2020 is going to be fine. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. And now we are already in December, I think I've lied to myself enough. So, let's summarize what happened in the year 2020. First of all, I had a sleep disorder. My sleep problem was terrible and it all started after I came back to Germany. Sometimes, I was getting like 3 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period. This disaster continued on for almost 8 to 9 months. However, this sleep disorder helped me a lot while getting through Ramadhan. So, for the first time since I arrived in Germany, I can follow another version of the prayer calendar, which I believe is more nature convincing. Oh yes, me...

Ask God Now

This thought hit me so hard that I just can't ignore it and start to write again in this blog. You know what, think of the time when you were in trouble. Think of the time when you were sick. Think of the time when nothing went fine. Think of the time when your chest felt as if it would burst any second at any time. And remember how many times you called God to fix the thing for you. Remember how many times you asked God to make the way easy for you. Remember the time you asked God to lend you the strength to walk through the rough and cold season. And how many times did God answer your call? Every time! Each and every time! Some in ways that you can see it with your naked eye and some in ways that you could only understand if you have patience hold inside your soul. See, we are the living proof that God answers every prayer. But there will come a time when our call, our prayers will be ignored. And that's when we know everything is too late. When is that? When we alre...